MARKED OUT! …checked out… RAW: 04/01/13

MARK OUT: To temporarily forget that wrestling is fake because something cool happened. Urban Dictionary

JOHN CENA Promo: …checked out…

Same ol’ song and dance from Cena. Tired of this shtick week in and week out. PLEASE someone tell him that repeating the same catchphrases over and over again in a loud and boisterous tone doesn’t make anyone believe that you are “dominant.” I thought I couldn’t care any less about this match until last night…I honestly didn’t think it was possible. I was wrong. Big check out here.

RANDY ORTON / SHEAMUS / BIG SHOW def. 3MB: …checked out…

Same match that was on Smackdown? Again? WWE must believe that everyone just reads the spoilers every dirtsheet posts because they love recycling these matches…that and they’re posting their own Smackdown spoilers now…so…why have the show? At least the Shield got physical on Friday’s show. They just talked and talked last night. Raw in general was 90% talk, 10% action. Oh for the days when altercations and matches told stories…

JACK SWAGGER / ZEB COULTER vignette: MARKED OUT!

I love Swagger and Coulter’s old school “heel” vignettes they do. Works every time for them in my opinion. I would love to see more heels doing this, because that would free up some decent in-ring time for MATCHES opposed to TERRIBLE promos. Well done.

DOLPH ZIGGLER def. DANIEL BRYAN: MARKED OUT!

What a match THIS was, eh? As if you would expect anything less from two of the best workers in the business. Two thumbs up. And did you see Langston’s spot with Kane? Talk about a push, they REALLY want this guy to appear unstoppable going into ‘Mania. This was TV time well played WWE. Well played indeed.

TRIPLE H / SHAWN MICHAELS / PAUL HEYMAN / BROCK LESNAR promo: MARKED OUT!

Heyman is genius, Michaels is always awesome, so is HHH. Brock looked insane…how could this segment be bad? Officially saying this is my second favorite match-up going into Sunday’s show.

*Intercontinental Champion* WADE BARRETT def. ZACK RYDER: …checked out…

Barrett wins via his forearm. Someone tell him that Luger wants his metal plate back. HATE this finisher, and I wasn’t buying anything that this match was selling. Next.

MARK HENRY def. SANTINO MARELLA: MARKED OUT!

Santino is fed to Henry after an “April Fool’s” joke gone bad with Brickie backstage. 30 sec squash match which brought RyHack…I mean Ryback out. Henry on the mic was pretty good and the segment was one of the few that didn’t fall flat for me.

CM PUNK promo: MARKED OUT!

Excellent mic work as always.

*World Heavyweight Champion* ALBERTO DEL RIO def. ZEB COULTER via DQ: MARKED OUT!

I didn’t mark out at the match obviously, but I did at the heelish destruction that ensued afterwards. Swagger and Coulter man-handled Del Rio with those crutches, and did anyone see the pictures of Del Rio afterwards? Ugh…that’ll leave a mark.

*WWE Champion* THE ROCK promo: …checked out…

This was a little better than Cena’s opening bore-a-thon, but still fell flat to me. Where is the meeting in the ring between these two before ‘Mania? Cena wasn’t pissed at the Rock for giving him a Rock Bottom last week in front of 5 legends in the ring? Where was the physicality that we needed for this rivalry? Oh wait…it’s not a rivalry, they love and respect each other too much for that now. And is anyone else noticing how LITTLE the WWE Championship matters in this match? What was the point of putting that belt on Rock? Punk/Taker should be Streak vs Streak, end of story. Waste.

CHRIS JERICHO def. *United States Champion* ANTONIO CESARO: MARKED OUT!

Wow…Cesaro has an amazing match on Raw for the first time in months…but that mostly is because he was in the ring with one of the best in-ring talents of all time. Jericho makes EVERYONE look amazing. Fandango appeared to further their storyline going into the big show Sunday, equipped with scorecards and everything. He even delivered not one, but TWO awesome guillotine leg drops to Y2J before getting some GREAT heat from the fans. This is now the sleeper match that I’m totally excited for come ‘Mania. This shall be great. Mark my words.

BELLA TWINS def. THE FUNKADACTYLS: …checked out…

I mean…the match itself tells you why. THIS was the last match on the “Go-Home” show for WRESTLEMANIA. Ugh.

THE UNDERTAKER promo: MARKED OUT!

Taker? Great. Punk’s mind-games? Amazing. Totally stoked for this match come Sunday. Heyman as Bearer was classic, and I know some people think it crossed a line, but if this was 1998, I don’t think many people would feel that way. Great heel work to set up a match where Punk is destined to lose, but they gave him opportunities to look like a strong heel with moments like these. Good stuff.

RAW 04/01/13 OVERALL: …checked out…

This was the GO HOME SHOW before Sunday…and it felt like a random Monday in May. Very little action…LOTS of boring promos…and just a flat out sense of “you guys already know what’s going to happen in 6 days, so, meh…we got nothing.” I’m concerned about what the WWE is going to look like for the next 5 months post-Mania…but I’m no longer concerned about whether or not I’m spending $70 on this PPV. Hooters ‘Mania broadcast FOR FREE…here I come.

Follow Doug McDonald on Twitter and tune in to RSM WEEKLY this Thursday night LIVE at 7pm EST for the “Go Home” edition.

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