MARKED OUT! …checked out… “Old School” RAW 03/04/13

MARK OUT: To temporarily forget that wrestling is fake because something cool happened. Urban Dictionary

UNDERTAKER appearance: MARKED OUT! …BIG time…

To hear the “GONG” at the start off RAW? INSTANT mark out moment for me. He comes out, raises his hands, and answers everyone’s “will he be at Mania?” question, then leaves. Shortest ‘Taker return in 4 years. I was hoping for more than this, but I’m glad they at least stuck him on the show. Yes, he’ll be at ‘Mania. Now let’s get Punk involved with the next segment!

CM PUNK / RANDY ORTON / BIG SHOW / SHEAMUS promo: MARKED OUT!

Punk does exactly what I wanted to see him do and hits the ring with a mic only SECONDS after Taker disappears. His mission: declare himself the man that will end “The Streak” at WrestleMania. Many men have claimed to be the one that will take ‘Taker down, but Punk makes you believe that he actually has a snowball’s chance here.

His speech was interrupted by 3 men who I believe will ultimately face The Shield at WrestleMania, Randy Orton, Sheamus, and Big Show. They all claim that they should be the one to end ‘Taker’s streak and then Vickie books the main event: Fatal 4-Way match to decide who gets to face the Undertaker at WM29. This is obviously a way to show that Punk is worthy of facing the Dead Man with a victory, but also gives the Undertaker match at WrestleMania it’s own night of backstory build up so that people will care about it come April 7^th. I honestly think more people will want to see the outcome of this match than the “Twice in a Lifetime” main event. Anyway, good segment. NEXT!

RYBACK def. *United States Champion* ANTONIO CESARO: …checked out…til the finish…

RyHack and Cesaro started out SO super slow. The fans in Buffalo even had a “boring” chant going for a minute or two. Thankfully a commercial break came and I could re-evaluate my “check out” status when the match returned. Luckily, the finish of the match was all that we saw when TV came back from break and I enjoyed what I saw. A great finish to a lackluster match. It made RyHack look strong, but how weak does it make the US Title look? Week after week the US and IC Champions lose, making themselves and the belts they hold matter less and less. It’s aggravating. Why have the championships on people that you are burying? Makes no sense. NEXT.

MARK HENRY def. ZACK RYDER: MARKED OUT!

Henry came out before RyHack could even make it back to the locker room, staring him down and hinting at a possible program coming between the 2 man beasts. I like this idea and I hope we see it come into play for WrestleMania. Henry squashed Zack Jobber in 45 seconds (which I called on Twitter would be the length of the match). I just love Henry’s dominance as a heel. Anyone else in this match and I would have hated it, but it’s what he do, so I love it. NEXT!

MIZ (w/ RIC FLAIR) def. DOLPH ZIGGLER (w/ BIG E LANGSTON and AJ LEE): MARKED OUT!

I love Dolph Ziggler’s ring work. His impersonation of Flair was priceless, but Flair is what made this match a mark out moment for me. I loved his crazy energy out there. He was going nuts post match in the ring. I swear that AJ Lee’s eyes could file a sexual harassment lawsuit against Flair for his persistent pelvic thrusts that were aimed right at her head. Miz got the W with the Figure Four Leg Lock (or as I’m referring to it forever in this column as the “Figure Botch”). It’s so bad when Miz tries this move. The first 2 times were very awkward, with this one not being as bad. But it looked like he had to REALLY think about how the move went to slap it on, and I know 3 year olds that can put this move on people. It just doesn’t work for him.

THE ROCK / JOHN CENA point-counterpoint: …checked out…

The Rock…John Cena…again…I checked out. It was nice to know they were just sticking to the “Greatness” vs “Retribution” angle and not trying to say they hate each other again randomly. It’s just boring to me. I probably talked to my wife throughout this entire back-and-forth between these two. I just didn’t care for it. I know that I’m not alone in this either. Next segment please…over it.

JACK SWAGGER attacks “HACKSAW” JIM DUGGAN / DUSTY RHODES / SGT. SLAUGHTER: MARKED OUT!

After a break, we get Swagger and Coulter in the ring waiting for an opponent, who turns out to be “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan. I thought it was an AWESOME heel move to grab the 2×4 as soon as the match starts and beat not only Duggan down with it, but Dusty Rhodes AND Sgt. Slaughter. He ended his onslaught with a point to the WM29 sign and a “Weed…*cough*…I mean…WE THE PEOPLE!” Loved it.

*Tag Team Champions* TEAM HELL NO def. PRIME TIME PLAYERS: MARKED OUT!

The Million Dollar Man Ted Dibiase is at ring side, which immediately made me into a mark. We’re talking about one of my top 5 heels of all time. Love that guy. He’s there to see if the PTPs are worthy of his managerial services. Hell No gets the victory and Dibiase stuffs a hundy into Darren Young’s mouth. Awesome! Bryan then stole the $. Everybody has a price!

SWEET T / BRODUS CLAY / HONKY TONK MAN def. 3MB: …checked out…

Re-read who was in this match…you’ll understand why I checked out. WASTE. WASTE T and Brodus WASTE beat 3MWASTE in 1 minute, then the Honky Tonk WASTE crashed a guitar over Slater’s face. Ugh. Next…

FANDANGO refuses to wrestle KOFI KINGSTON due to JUSTIN ROBERTS mispronouncing his name: …checked out…

If there was one hashtag I wish would trend worldwide, it would be #WASTEdango. This guy already bores and annoys me. He seemed to be channeling the voice of Val Venis when he spoke, and nothing he said captivated my attention UNLESS you count my annoyed tweets about how much I hated this segment. #WASTEdango. That’s how Roberts should pronounce his name…every week. #WASTEdango.

TRIPLE H promo: MARKED OUT!

It’s the Game…I don’t care if he fumbles words or felt like he needed a purpose to come back. I’m gonna mark out for the guy. He’s a legend. He’s back. It’s awesome. Period.

*World Heavyweight Champion* ALBERTO DEL RIO def. *Intercontinental Champion* Wade Barrett: …checked out…

Again…how irrelevant is the IC title? Barrett loses…again. And wasn’t he starting a feud with Sheamus…AND Bo Dallas? What’s happening here? It’s clear that Creative has NO idea what to do with him…so they just continue to write him into the “loss” column. Ugh. Waste. NEXT!

NEW AGE OUTLAWS def. PRIMO and EPICO: MARKED OUT!

Oh you didn’t know? The Tag Team that I labeled “The Greatest Tag Team in the last 20 years” hit the ring and put on a great showing against Primo and Epico. Gunn hits the Fameasser FTW and this NAO mark loved every minute of it. Very awesome…and hopefully we’ll see more of them on TV in the upcoming weeks.

CM PUNK def. RANDY ORTON / SHEAMUS / BIG SHOW: MARKED OUT!

Punk looks strong after this win against 3 of the top names in the company. After he wins, ‘Taker comes back out and stares him down. I would have loved to have seen more of a nose to nose confrontation, but we have 4 more RAWs to get this story progressing, so I’m ok with it. Really behind this match and ready to see what will come of it.

“Old School” RAW 03/04/13 OVERALL: MARKED OUT!

Was this RAW as good as it was the week before? No, but it was still very entertaining and the 3 hour program flew by for me. There were plenty of “why are they doing this?” type moments for sure, but overall, I thought that we had another entertaining RAW on the Road to WrestleMania. Hopefully they just keep getting better and STAY this entertaining AFTER April 7^th.

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