I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I hope I can at least. These things have gone from one of the worst shows of the year to THE worst show of the year, somehow finding new lows to reach. Last year’s Crown Jewel was one of the worst things I can ever remember seeing for a wrestling show and I don’t see this one being a massive improvement. It isn’t about the wrestling content but rather about what kinds of stupid decisions they make and expect us to just accept. This could be a complete nightmare as it tends to be so let’s get to it.
Kickoff Show: Battle Royal
This is one of those ideas that has been around since house shows began because it is something that will always work. The winner gets a shot at the United States Title later in the night so how bad can this be? Above all else, it feels like a bunch of lower level guys getting a chance to get a one off title shot so it isn’t like the winner is going to mean much in the end.
Consider this a preview:
US Title: AJ Styles(c) vs. ???
So yeah I think you get the idea here and unless you’re reading this out of order (I’ve heard worse ideas), you know where I’m going with the pick. What matters most here is giving the fans a good match and thankfully Styles is the kind of wrestler who can do that against anyone. There is no reason to rock the boat whatsoever on this one and they would be smart to just do what they have done so many times.
And then there’s a sequel:
Natalya vs. Lacey Evans
Just in case you needed more reinforcement in the concept of NEVER SAY NEVER. This is the kind of thing that I never believed could possibly happen and yet here we are. WWE did not announce this one until the day before the show, which sadly may have been to weaken the impact and culture shock that would come with it. It really is a big deal, though we’ll have to see if it is something that keeps going in the future.
It really is historic:
Mansoor vs. Cesaro
Yeah we’re doing this again. I get that Mansoor is actually decent in the ring and I’ve liked a few of his appearances in NXT. He isn’t some incredible, can’t miss prospect or really even anything close to it, but he can handle himself in the ring and is someone that can be put out there to give the Saudi Arabian fans something to cheer about, but don’t pretend that he’s anything more than that. What they’re doing here isn’t a secret so let’s just get it over with.
Hey, you exist:
Tyson Fury vs. Braun Strowman
This would be another example of a match that is only taking place for the sake of the live crowd, because the Saudi Arabian government wants some star power for their money. Fair enough, and Fury has been a heck of a promo when he is given the chance, but this has a chance to be a serious disaster. Strowman isn’t the most graceful wrestler in the world and he hasn’t even been wrestling for that long, but now he’s supposed to be able to walk Fury through a match? In these conditions? That’s how this is supposed to work?
When worlds collide:
Team Hogan vs. Team Flair
Here’s your legends match, as we are really supposed to pretend that Hulk Hogan vs. Ric Flair was ever a rivalry between two sides that were even close to equal. This feud has been dusted off in the WWF, WCW, Impact and now WWE again, plus on Hogan’s own tour of Australia. How we’re still doing this is beyond me, but at least this time there will be some other wrestlers there to share some of the spotlight. I mean, like 3% of it but it’s better than nothing.
They’re at it again:
Tag Team Turmoil
If there is one match that shows you how divorced from reality this series of shows really is, it’s this one. You have a rather ridiculous nine teams in one match, including both Tag Team Champions, and the prize is the title of BEST TEAM IN THE WORLD. Now one would think that would just be Revival vs. Viking Raiders, but why do that when you can do it MUCH FREAKING BIGGER???
Like this, but bigger:
WWE Championship: Brock Lesnar(c) vs. Cain Velasquez
I’m not sure what to say here as I get the concept, but it isn’t something that gets me overly interested. Normally I would say that there is no chance Velasquez wins, but at the same time we’re going to be seeing a women’s match in Saudi Arabia so that line of thinking isn’t quite viable. It’s been about nine years since Velasquez mauled Lesnar for the UFC Heavyweight Title and Lesnar is out for revenge, while Velasquez is fighting for Rey Mysterio and Dominick, both of whom were injured at Lesnar’s hands.
Here’s your backstory:
Universal Title: Seth Rollins(c) vs. The Fiend
And then….this. It takes a lot to actually make me annoyed about a wrestling show but their first match did the trick. For reasons that only WWE could explain to you, they felt the need to not only put their hottest act in the Cell, but have him lose in the least intimidating way possible. It was booed out of the building and WWE hasn’t been the same since that took place. Now it’s the rematch and the question is how can they mess this up again?
If only they could do this:
Does anyone actually want to watch this show? The entire series has become a nightmare for WWE fans, though I’m sure the company doesn’t mind due to the crazy checks they receive for them. The wrestling has rarely been the problem here, but there is a real chance that we are going to be in for some of the worst booking decisions of the year, because WWE either thinks that no one pays attention or that they’re brilliant enough to get themselves out of it. I doubt it can be worse than last time, but remember: never say never.
Thomas Hall has been a wrestling fan for over thirty years and has seen over 50,000 wrestling matches. He has also been a wrestling reviewer since 2009 with over 5,000 full shows covered. You can find his work at kbwrestlingreviews.com, or check out his- Amazon author page with 30 wrestling books. His latest book is KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews.
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