Raw Results: HBK Return Was a Trainwreck of Ridiculous Proportions

Shawn Michaels came back to Raw in New Orleans tonight. The segment was bad. It was awful. It was so, so rotten.

We knew that HBK was there largely to shill his new movie, but we still hoped something of interest might happen. Maybe he’d actually address the rumored match and stand toe-to-toe against AJ Styles. Maybe he’d be a guest referee at the Royal Rumble in his homeland of Texas. Maybe the segment wouldn’t be one of the worst Raw moments in recent memory.

None of those would be the case.

Shawn hit the ring in the cowboy hat and western gear we’ve come to expect from his retirement years. Made his usual jokes about being out of shape. Then he started talking about how exciting WrestleMania season is, how awesome it is that the Royal Rumble would be in Texas. How awesome his Royal Rumble moment of 20 years ago.

The fans chanted “One more match! One more match!” HBK made a joke about peer pressure.

Then he started talking about his upcoming movie, and it’s the closest thing 2017 Shawn Michaels could possibly have to a heel turn. The advertisement of the upcoming movie was just a hair away from being met with boos.

Then Rusev, Jinder Mahal, and Lana came out. Everyone exchanged words. Rusev looked giddy at being in the ring with HBK, and that was cute, but everything else was awkward and badly timed as Lana tried to get in the movies.

httpss://twitter.com/WWEUniverse/status/818638704059129856

Enzo and Cass came out–to a bigger pop than Michaels. HBK proceeded to play the clueless dad to Enzo and Cass’s antics, as the Certified Gs listed out movies the opposing trio should appear in.

It got so bad there was a Pianist joke. Yes. An extended Pianist joke.

Your payoff for all this was a Big Cass vs Jinder Mahal match. HBK superkicked Rusev at ringside. It was a mercy when it all ended.

httpss://youtube.com/watch?v=ALrtmJB-OQA

If you can handle more of this, stick with us tonight for further live coverage! We’ll watch it go down in flames so you don’t have to.

The Resurrection of Gavin Stone is out January 20th.

httpss://youtube.com/watch?v=_Fdzq4z7l0U