Walder’s World of Wrestling: Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royal Reeks of Lazy Booking

The first-ever Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royal at WrestleMania 30 serves as much purpose as “Michael Scott’s Dunder Mifflin Scranton Meredith Palmer Memorial Celebrity Rabies Awareness Pro-Am Fun Run Race for the Cure.”

Throw 30 mid-carders in a squared circle, sprinkle in some ginger (Sheamus), glitter (Fandango), a Darth Maul lookalike (Goldust) and a J.O.B. Squad cover band (3MB), mix it all together and what do you get?

This steaming pile of laziness.

This match is a perfect example of what happens when you don’t know how to properly book an undercard. Of the 17 superstars that have been officially announced over at WWE.com, seven are former WWE or World Heavyweight Champions. The talent is ripe for the picking. There is so much potential, but it’s all being squandered because no one backstage has a clue what to do with a majority of those guys.

No one will notice though, right?

The top of the WrestleMania 30 card is full of performers that either don’t appear/compete regularly on WWE programming or won’t be around for the long haul (ex. Batista, The Undertaker, Brock Lesnar and Triple H).

Who cares. They’re the ones drawing money. They’re the reason why you’re either going to shell out top dollar to watch the event on PPV or why you’re going to sit back and tolerate a mediocre stream (I hope I’m wrong) on the WWE Network.

You’re looking forward to WrestleMania 30 because of Dolph Ziggler? You care to see Alberto Del Rio in action? Are you going to pop open a few cold ones and chant “Sexual Chocolate” at Mark Henry?

Didn’t your parents ever teach you that lying was wrong?

Turn your television set on at 8 p.m. on Monday nights and you can get all of that for free. You’re ordering WrestleMania 30 to see the big names on the big stage.

Which brings me back to the Battle Royal itself. 29 men will fly over the top rope until one superstar is left standing in the end. That individual doesn’t receive a future title shot, nor do they score a free meal at Clover Grill on Bourbon Street later that evening. I hear they have amazing burgers.

All they win is a trophy. Nothing special. Nothing out of the ordinary. Nothing that could really carry over to the months that follow. It’s just a trophy of Andre The Giant.

Why was this a better option than having a Money in the Bank Ladder match? I understand that there is a PPV of the same name taking place at the end of June, but considering where this concept was first conceived (WrestleMania 21), I don’t see the big deal of having it twice in one year (which has been the case before).

At least give me a reason to care about who wins. All the victor really earns is the satisfaction of being the best of the worst.

God bless us everyone.

I understand that this is a way to get more superstars on the card, but don’t tell me everyone “deserves” to be featured. No one “deserves” anything. You either earn it or you don’t. Would anyone put up a fight if Fandango wasn’t wrestling? How about Heath Slater, Damien Sandow or Titus O’Neil? They’re all becoming afterthoughts in the minds of the WWE Universe. They could all get axed from the roster tomorrow and most of you would turn a blind eye to it anyways.

If the undercard was developed properly with captivating matchup’s, feuds and storyline’s, we wouldn’t need a cheap Battle Royal to take up 45 minutes of time.

Besides, the match will be a clustered mess of kicking, punching and holding on to the top rope until it gets down to 15 or so competitors. You’ll barely notice half of the guys that are in there.

The WWE could shock the hell out of me and give this match the prestige that the King of the Ring tournament once had. It could elevate a seldom-used mid-carder to newer and greater heights. Whether or not they’ll do that remains to be seen.

This could be the only year we this type of Battle Royal at WrestleMania. If that’s the case, it would further validate my point of this match being a total waste of space.

For the record, I’m picking Alexander Rusev to win. He hasn’t been announced, but it’s a safe bet that he will be.

Why am I going with the Bulgarian Brute? Lana.

That’s all you need to know.

 

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