Relentless Wrestling Results - March 29, 2023

Relentless Wrestling
Date: March 29, 2023
Location: Don Quixote Event Center, Los Angeles, California
Commentators: Maddox Ryan, Heather

We’ll kick off the Wrestlemania weekend with this promotion from the Pacific northwest. This is one of the shows that I was hoping to find and they’re streaming it on their Twitch channel so it’s worth a look. I’ve heard of a few names on the card and there is some potential here. Let’s get to it.

Note that I am coming into this completely blind and have no idea about storylines, history or anything else. I apologize in advance for anything I get wrong.

The camera appears to be a handheld from the balcony and nothing more.

The unnamed host comes out to welcome the fans, who are amazed that the fans came out on a Wednesday night. He thanks the fans here and back home in Spokane, Washington and lists off their local sponsors, plus the venue. The host (Maddox Ryan) brings out his co-host and ring announcer, Arya Blake, who used to work in MLW as MJF’s girlfriend.

Andrew Everett vs. Danny Limelight vs. Keita vs. Robert Martyr vs. Jai Vidal vs. Adam Brooks

This is a six way elimination match for a Championship Contract. The fans certainly seem into Keita, who is announced as a former champion. On the other hand, Everett is a former Impact Wrestling star who is dressed liked the Giant of WCW fame and billed from Grenoble in the French Alps. Limelight praises Los Angeles and gets beaten down as a result.

Everett’s double chokeslam is broken up and I guess we’re off without a bell. Brooks starts cleaning house but stops to dance, only to counter an Everett chokeslam into a DDT. Everett gets knocked down again and it’s Vidal taking Limelight over the top to clear the ring. Back in and Vidal hits some running knees in the corner as apparently Brooks tapped out somewhere in there (even commentary seems surprised).

Keita grabs a kneebar to make Vidal tap and is announced as the winner with his music playing, but he grabs the mic to say this is elimination rules. With that settled, Keita onto everyone else at ringside. Back in and Everett takes out Martyr and Limelight hits a piledriver for the elimination.

A sitout powerbomb gets two on Keita before Martyr and Limelight slug it out. Martyr gets choked out and it’s down to Keita vs. Limelight. Keita gets fired up and slugs it out with Limelight again before having to backflip out of a choke. An ankle lock gives Keita the win and the title shot (Commentary: “Wait did he just win?”) at 11:22.

Result: Keita b. Andrew Everett, Danny Limelight, Robert Martry, Jai Vidal and Adam Brooks last eliminating Limelight (11:22)

Wrestling With Wregret Internet Title: Zicky Dice vs. ???

It’s the title from Brian Zane’s webseries on the line. Dice, with former champion Levi Shapiro is defending in an open challenge and Simon Miller from Whatculture answers. The rather strong Miller sends him into the ropes to start but Dice comes up with some streamers to knock him back. That works as well as streamers to the face are going to go and Dice bails to the floor. Dice: “Who trained this guy???”

Shapiro comes in and offers a distraction (and a trip) so Dice can punch Miller down, setting up the Arn Anderson eye rake on the ropes. Dice gets two off a bridging northern lights suplex and a clothesline gets the same. Back up and Miller hits him in the face, causing Dice to throw up his own X….and pull another streamer from his mouth, Phantasmo style. The streamer clotheslines Miller down and Dice gets in a hip swivel into a reverse chinlock.

Miller fights up and runs Dice over, which is enough for Shapiro to pull Dice outside. Some silly string to the face (and near the referee) drops Miller, who is fine enough to do a not great tilt-a-whirl slam. Miller misses a middle rope splash as Ryan starts talking a lot more on commentary. Dice sprays something else at Miller but here’s a masked man to belt Dice in the head….for a double DQ at 9:10.

Result: Zicky Dice vs. Simon Miller went to a double DQ (9:10)

Post match everyone leaves and the mask stays on.

Team Slim Jim vs. Thrussy

That would be Drexl/Warhorse/Chase James vs. Allie Katch/Effy/Dark Sheik. Upon a fan request, commentary tries to start a DADDY EFFY chant, even as Warhorse and Katch chop it out. Katch is rather confused but is fine enough to shrug off Warhorse’s shoulder. Warhorse is allowed to roll Katch up for two and they stop to pose at each other. Sheik (a hardcore woman) and Drexl (a hardcore guy) come in, with the fans thinking Sheik is going to kill him.

They stare at each other a bit until Sheik chops him in the corner to no avail. The fans think Drexl is a sick f*** as he offers to let Sheik chop him…so she drops down for a low blow. Drexl seems to approve so Sheik kicks him into the corner. Effy and James come in to complete the trilogy of pairings and they strike it out. Effy blocks a kiss attempt though and hits an atomic drop before dropping onto all fours.

With that not going anywhere, Effy hits some running kicks in the corner for two and Sheik adds a slingshot legdrop. James is sent face first into the back of Katch’s trunks (wiggling ensues) and we hit a front facelock to slow things down. Effy comes back in and…I think bites James’ nipple, earning himself a knockdown. James finally gets over to Warhorse to pick up the pace as everything breaks down.

Drexl paper cuts Effy and cuts Katch in the corner, only to get dropped by Effy. Sheik’s top rope spinning legdrop gets two on Drexl….and here’s a giant Slim Jim. Said Slim Jim beats up Thrussy but they get together and make him eat a regular Slim Jim. Sheik hits a top rope spinwheel kick to Warhorse and Effy hits a Rough Ryder to finish Drexl at 15:55.

Result: Thrussy b. Team Slim Jim – Leg lariat to Drexl (15:55)

Post match the fans get Slim Jims.

Pacific Northwest Relentless Title: Alan Angels vs. Chris Bey

Angels is defending and does not seem to be the most popular. They go with the grappling to start and Bey gets to dance, only to get caught in a headlock. Bey is back up and sweeps the leg a few times, sending Angels outside. Back in and Bey hits a double stomp to the back as commentary talks about the character development needed to be a manager.

Bey chops him down and adds a kick to the back as the giant Slim Jim jumps in on commentary for a minute (he is also NOT Jackson Price, despite their apparent similar sizes). Angels manages a kick to the back as commentary switches to Keita eating burritos. A hard clothesline gives Angels two and we hit the abdominal stretch. Bey fights out and hits a running clothesline, followed by a kick to the head for two.

Angels’ standing Sliced Bread gets the same but he misses a top rope…we’ll say knee, allowing Bey to grab a Code Red for two (should have gone Baja Blast, or at least not Pitch Black). Bey can’t hit the Art of Finesse (springboard cutter) and Angels drops him hard with a clothesline for two more. They’re both down…and here’s Keita with his contract from earlier. Keita pins Angels to win the title at 12:29.

Result: Keita b. Alan Angels and Chris Bey – Pin to Angels (12:29)

The host thanks a camera woman who has been at all of their shows.

POW Pro Wrestling Title: Vin Massaro vs. Funnybone

This is from the POW promotion and Massaro (with Mr. Ooh-La-La) is challenging. The funny part is that Massaro’s music has been played twice by mistake throughout the night and commentary said something like “HE’S REALLY COMING OUT THIS TIME”. Funnybone is a scary yet popular clown/demon who enziguris Massaro to start but a cheap shot sends Funnybone into the corner.

Stomping and choking ensue but Funnybone fights up and sends him outside for the suicide dive. Back in and Funnybone misses something from the top, allowing Massaro to suplex him into the corner. Some running knees to the face give Funnybone two but he accidentally kicks the referee down. Massaro grabs a chair but cue a rather large man to spear Massaro down. Funnybone adds a top rope double stomp to retain at 8:26.

Result: Funnybone b. Vin Massaro – Top rope double stomp (8:26)

Kidd Bandit vs. Brooke Havok vs. Act Yasukawa vs. Billie Starkz

No word on if this is elimination or one fall to a finish, as commentary would rather say Bandit is “so pushy as a heel”. Havok and Starkz are sent outside fast and Act ties Bandid’s legs in the ropes for a running dropkick. Bandit is back up with a rollup and the two of them go outside. Starkz and Havok come back in with Havok grabbing a headscissors as we lose audio for a second. Act is back in with a missile dropkick to Bandit, setting up Starkz’ flip dive onto all three.

Back in and Bandit gives Starkz a backbreaker into a spinning Downward Spiral for two. Starks is fine enough to pick up for a Doomsday crossbody from Havok, who gets to slug it out with Act. Bandit kicks Act down so Starkz has to Swanton in for the save. Back in and Starks grabs a quick rollup to pin Havok at 6:55, leaving everyone seeming a bit surprised.

Result: Billie Starkz b. Kidd Bandit, Brooke Havok and Act Yasukawa – Rollup to Havok (6:55)

Here is Tom Lawlor for the main event but he doesn’t have Team Filthy (his usual partners) with him. Instead, he is willing to let two men have a chance to join. This brings out Matt Vandergriff and Cal Jack, who seems rather patriotic. It seems we have a six man.

Tom Lawlor/Matt Vandergriff/Cal Jack vs. TJP/Jacob Austin Young/Mike Bailey

TJP is the hometown boy (though the fans seem to like Bailey more). The villains jump the good guys to start but TJP and company send them outside for stereo triple dives. We settle down to Vandergriff getting taken into the corner for the early beating, including TJP’s corner handstand into a headscissors. TJP ties him up in the Muta Lock but has to let go because that’s not a normal way to bend.

Jack gets in a cheap shot from the apron to Young though and it’s Lawlor (who has his fans) coming in to take over. Hold on though as Lawlor needs to stop and take off his shorts to reveal his signature cutoff jean shorts. There’s a Stink Face to Young and Vandergriff comes in to keep up the beating. Jack’s gutwrench suplexes give him two but Young is able to hit Lawlor with some loud chops.

The comeback is cut off by a Jack bearhug until Young manages to slip out and grab a sleeper. That’s broken up, but the hot tag brings in Bailey to loudly kick away. Jack gets in a low superkick and brings Vandergriff back in to send Bailey into the middle buckle. Bailey catches him on top for a super hurricanrana though and it’s off to TJP vs. Lawlor. A discus forearm cuts TJP off but he does his swing through the ropes into a….broken Sharpshooter.

Lawlor reverses into a cross armbreaker, which is reversed into some weird Sharpshooter cousin. That’s broken up as well and a Side Effect gives Lawlor two. Bailey comes back in to kick away, including the bouncing series into an enziguri on Vandergriff. Everything breaks down and Vandergriff moonsaults onto everyone not named TJP. Lawlor breaks up TJP’s dive though, only to have TJP kick him down.

A frog splash gives TJP a rather close two but Bailey is back in with his spinning kick in the corner. Jack cuts Bailey off so Vandergriff can hit a 450 for two of his own but TJP cleans house. TJP guillotines Jack so Bailey can add the Ultimate Weapon, allowing the good guys to grab triple submissions for the stereo triple tap at 17:30.

Result: TJP/Mike Bailey/Jacob Austin Young b. Cal Jack/Matt Vandergriff/Tom Lawlor – Triple submission (17:30)

The winners celebrate and Blake thanks the fans to wrap up the night.