Thoughts on the Rumored WrestleMania 33 Card

Last week, a rumored “Wrestlemania XXXIII” card started making the rounds. It’s not exactly the strongest in the world but at least it gives us an idea of what we might be seeing down in Orlando. Today we’ll be taking a look at all of the matches on the card with a few thoughts on each of them.

WWE Universal Championship
Goldberg (c) vs. Brock Lesnar

Someone explain to me why this is the main event and for a title. Please, someone tell me why that’s what we need. I can almost buy this as the main event (assuming Goldberg can go more than five minutes) but why in the world does this need to be for the title? Does the winner really need to take the title on hiatus for weeks at a time? That’s their best idea?

We tried this whole having a World Champion who never shows up a few years ago and it didn’t work then but it’s supposed to work now? The problem boils down to the fact that it leaves nothing for the people actually on TV to fight over, save for an eventual title shot when the champion can again graces us with his presence. Just let this be a big showdown for bragging rights and nothing more, because that’s all it needs to be.

WWE Championship
Bray Wyatt (c) vs. Randy Orton

If this happens, Wyatt better win and I really don’t know what else to say about it. Orton doesn’t need to win the title for yet another reign and Wyatt is considered a choker so let him defend the title here and eventually drop it to someone over the summer. Orton really doesn’t need the belt here and while it would make for a big pop, I really don’t need to see Wyatt’s career take another hit for the sake of putting someone else over.

This story has been built up rather well and it was what a lot of people expected to see happen as soon as Orton joined the Wyatt Family late last year. Just let them do their thing but have Wyatt go over for the sake of the future. Orton already has an obscene amount of titles and Wyatt isn’t likely to win nearly as many over the years. Don’t take it off of him for the sake of the month and a half reign so we can see where this goes.

RAW Women’s Championship
Charlotte (c) vs. Bayley vs. Sasha Banks vs. Nia Jax

This one is all about the long term planning and hopefully WWE doesn’t hot shot what could be a huge moment. Instead of having Bayley take the title here in a match that doesn’t let her get showcased enough, it should be Jax taking the title from Charlotte (by pinning someone else). This allows Banks to take the title and eventually turn heel, setting up Bayley with the big singles win around Summerslam. I know people want to see Bayley win the title here but she’s not ready yet.

At the end of the day, I like the idea of seeing a big, major title change taking place in a one on one match, especially with the idea of Bayley pinning Banks on the huge stage. This prevents the title change from feeling rushed, which is one of the worst things you can do with something like this.

Roman Reigns vs. The Undertaker

This is one of two schools of thought. If they try to have Reigns go in as the mega face, it doesn’t matter who wins because Reigns will be blown into the Atlantic by the booing. If they have Reigns as the heel monster who spears old man Undertaker over and over until he can’t get up anymore, I’m sold like Hercules to DiBiase.

No matter how you look at it, Reigns isn’t going to be cheered by a Wrestlemania crowd. If WWE thinks this is going to be the magic bullet that makes him the big face of the company, I’d point them to Daniel Bryan and the Rock, both of whom completely failed in their efforts with Reigns. It’s not going to work and WWE just needs to accept that.

Seth Rollins vs. Triple H

If they just absolutely have to do this (and they clearly do because it’s Triple H at Wrestlemania), please don’t screw it up by having it go half an hour. This is nowhere near as big a match as WWE seems to think it is but it seems to be what we’re getting, assuming Rollins can walk again. I’ve heard rumors of Shane McMahon replacing Rollins if he can’t go but either way, Triple H needs to go down here.

I’m really not sure why I’m supposed to be interested in Triple H vs. Rollins. If the best story they can come up with is Rollins hurt his knee and Triple H is mad as a result, they’re in more trouble than I was expecting. At the end of the day, this isn’t an interesting feud and there’s really no way around that.

Kevin Owens vs. Chris Jericho

I could go for this being for the US Title and all they have to do is have Jericho put Owens on the List for some reason. This is the match that should happen, has been planned for months and needs to take place by schedule. Stop messing with the good ideas you have and everything will be fine.

Jericho has been on the kind of roll that almost no one expected him to approach and this is the match that he should be having. I’d prefer it to be for the title but it doesn’t need to be for the sake of the story. Jericho doesn’t even need to win here and it would be much more important for Owens to get the win, especially if Jericho is leaving to tour with Fozzy in the near future.

AJ Styles vs. Shane McMahon

Of all the matches on the card, I think this one makes me madder than all the rest. Styles had one of the best years in company history but for some reason he’s stuck babysitting the boss at Wrestlemania. The match will have some big spots and entertaining moments but how much praise do you think Styes is going to get for it? This is going to be the Shane McMahon Show and that’s a very sad moment for Styles.

While it’s not quite as bad as the usual efforts to set up another version of Vince McMahon vs. Steve Austin, they certainly aren’t making it out to be much better. The match feels forced and that’s one of the worst things that can be done in wrestling. Instead of forcing something like this, let Styles have a big match against a big name. If nothing else, bring in someone from “Monday Night Raw” and mix things up a bit.

John Cena & Nikki Bella vs. The Miz & Maryse

BRING BACK SHANE! Word on the street says this is Nikki’s last match with Cena possibly proposing after the match. You know, because WRESTLEMANIA needs to be a Bella night. Cena isn’t going to be around much longer and now we get to hear about how Bella has just overcome so much and how she’s earned all this and should get her happiness or whatever, because somewhere along the line she because Trish Stratus and Lita combined.

I can’t stand this for everyone involved as they all, save for Bella that is, deserve so, so much better. How does this do anything for anyone but Bella? I see no reason to believe Miz and Maryse have any kind of a chance here and that means one of them has to do a job. Thanks for all the work you two have done over the year but Bella needs this win instead so she can be all smiley and put it on “Total Divas”.

The Big Show vs. Shaquille O’Neal

You knew this one was going to happen and while that doesn’t make it much better, it’s still the case. This is going to eat up about fifteen minutes with all the introductions and pre-match shenanigans and that’s fine really. It’s going to come and go with no one remembering it so let’s get it over with and worry about the rest of the show. I just don’t care enough to get annoyed about it and that’s fine.

Celebrities have been a part of Wrestlemania since its inception and while I don’t think O’Neal is going to sell any more tickets, he’ll get them on “Sportscenter” and various other ESPN shows, which is exactly what WWE wants out of this match. Just let this come and go and be done with it, which is all it needs to be.

Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royal

So….this is Ambrose’s spot I suppose. I mean, it’s not like you could do one last match against Styles or have him defend against Baron Corbin. While the latter is still a possibility, it seems more likely that they’ll put them both in the battle royal or on the pre-show because Nikki’s proposal needs more time. I’ll actually take Corbin winning again here, which would be a great idea for him.

The interesting thing here is to see who is put into the match. Last year we had a surprise with Corbin debuting and winning the match though this match could use a bit more star power. Of course there’s always the chance that a lot of those names will be put into a huge ladder match which doesn’t need to exist but you have to deal with it no matter what.

This isn’t the strongest card in the world but there’s more to like about it than last year’s show. At least there’s no reason to believe New Day will lose to the League of Nations again. I still want to know what was up with that. Anyway, there’s always a lot of potential on a Wrestlemania card and I’m sure it’s going to wind up being more entertaining than it seems.

 

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