Massacre on 34th Street: Christmas Yes. Special, Not So Much.

Massacre on 34th Street
Date: December 3, 2000
Location: Hammerstein Ballroom, New York City, New York
Attendance: 2,600
Commentators: Joey Styles, Cyrus

This show is actually less than a month after November to Remember so there really hasn’t been time to change much. At this point, there isn’t much else to do to bring in the little money that ECW is operating on. There’s almost no way to predict how these shows are going to go but they can be good at times. Let’s get to it.

Steve Corino and Jack Victory are in the back and the champion talks about all the champions that have performed in New York. He makes fun of Bruno Sammartino and Pedro Morales but talks about the great champions, like Tommy Dreamer and Taz, who didn’t get to defend the title here. He’ll do whatever it takes to keep the title tonight, but also makes sure that Jack Victory doesn’t want the title.

Joey and Joel (whose neck brace now has feathers) are in the ring for a long rhyme from Joel and Styles throws us to the intro.

Opening video.

The entrance has changed again as it’s now the hole in the brick wall and a set of steps instead of a ramp which leads to the bottom of the ring.

Simon Diamond/Swinger vs. Christian York/Joey Matthews

Before the match, Dawn Marie comes out and says she’s leaving with the winners. Dawn makes sure to drop the contract for her services twice so she can pick it up. It’s a brawl to start with Simon being sent to the floor and Swinger being caught in a double powerbomb. We settle down to York vs. Simon with Diamond nailing two quick kicks to the head to knock Joey to the floor. Back in Swinger takes over on York before bringing Simon back in for a double legsweep.

Simon hits his rolling suplexes into the gordbuster but misses a charge into the corner. Swinger walks into wheelbarrow slam and the hot tag brings in Matthews. Joey cleans house and hammers on Swinger outside before York hits a huge plancha onto both of them. Everything breaks down and Simon plants Matthews with a reverse DDT. A double superplex to Matthews is broken up and York pulls Simon down with a sitout powerbomb. Matthews hits a top rope hurricanrana, setting up a top rope elbow from York for the pin on Swinger.

Rating: C. This was fine for an opener as York and Matthews are fun to watch. They’re not the same kind of team that most that most guys in this division are at this point and it makes them a different kind of entertaining. Simon and Swinger have cooled off a lot but they’re still a solid act.

Matthews seems to be injured and Gertner goes down to check on him. Dawn immediately turns on Matthews and York to join Simon and Swinger.

A serious Danny Doring and Roadkill, now with shorter hair for Danny and a trimmed beard for Roadkill, say they didn’t go to the House of Hardcore to be humiliated. They have a Tag Team Title match tonight and they’re done as a team if they lose.

Cyrus takes Joel’s spot on commentary for the seventh or so show in a row.

EZ Money vs. Balls Mahoney

Mahoney takes over with some armdrags to start followed by a series of left hands capped off by a big right. Balls misses a kick in the corner though and falls to the floor where the rest of Hot Commodity beats him up. Money hits a big dive but gets caught in a belly to back suplex for two back inside. Balls sends him to the floor onto Money’s stable mates before hitting a huge dive off the top to take them all out.

Back in and Mahoney misses a top rope legdrop and gets caught in a jawbreaker. Money gets crotched on top and superplexed but is still able to counter a slow motion sunset flip out of the corner. Balls nails a superkick for two but Hamrick takes away the chair. Dinero offers a distraction and Hamrick gets in a cheap shot, setting up a moonsault from Money for the pin.

Rating: D+. Shockingly decent match here with both guys looking better than you would expect. Mahoney kept things calm here and Money was fine to bounce off of him. It’s not a good match or anything like that but when you go from the mess of a usual Balls Mahoney match to this, it’s a huge improvement.

Hot Commodity stays on Mahoney but Nova comes in for the save, setting up another impromptu match.

Nova vs. Julio Dinero

This is Nova’s big reward for his aggression last month. Nova cleans house and sends all three villains to the floor for a HUGE dive off the top. Back in and Nova drives in two knees to the chest followed by a lifting powerbomb for no cover. Mahoney chases Hamrick and Money around with the chair but Hamrick runs in for a springboard missile dropkick (mostly missed) to give Dinero control. Dinero gets two off a moonsault press but Nova gets in a shot to the face for a breather.

They slug it out with Nova getting all aggressive again and taking over with stomps in the corner. A spinning kick to the back gets two but Hamrick nails Nova with a chair, setting up Dinero’s superkick for two. Nova spikes Julio down but Elektra comes in, only to take the Kryptonite Krunch, followed by a top rope legdrop to Dinero. Hot Commodity breaks up the cover but Mahoney crushes them all with chairs. Nova goes up for a Swanton Bomb and the pin.

Rating: C-. Nova looked good here but the match was so overbooked that it dragged everything down. This should have been about two minutes shorter, had no Balls Mahoney, and seen Nova overcoming all three guys. It’s not like Hot Commodity would drop any lower with a loss anyway.

Rhino promises to break Spike Dudley in half and put him through a table.

Tag Team Titles: FBI vs. Danny Doring/Roadkill

The FBI is defending and if Doring/Roadkill don’t win the titles, they’re done. Guido and Doring get things going and hit the mat for some quickly broken rollups and submission attempts, leading to a standoff. They chop it out with Tony getting chopped as well. Roadkill comes in but Mamaluke bulldogs as a counter to his wheelbarrow slam. The big man slams him down again and nails an elbow out of the corner.

Guido comes in and gets caught in a Hart Attack before Roadkill goes outside to brawl with Sal. Tony dives off the top into a tornado DDT to send Roadkill into the concrete. Back inside and a double powerbomb out of the corner plants Doring as things settle down. A Russian legsweep gets two on Guido and it’s off to a keylock. Doring comes back with a quick front Russian legsweep and makes the tag to Roadkill. The big man cleans house and plants Tony with a powerbomb.

Big Sal takes a baseball slide and a HUGE dive takes him down. That’s quite the sight from a guy Roadkill’s size. Mamaluke takes Doring up top but gets hit low, setting up a botched top rope gutbuster from Doring for two. Guido nails Danny with a belt shot for two but Roadkill misses the clothesline. The Italians put on a double Fujiwara armbar but Doring makes the save with a huge superkick to knock Mamaluke off the apron. Roadkill grabs Guido’s legs and the Buggy Bang gives us new champions.

Rating: C. Not bad for the most part and it’s good to see a team that is actually over winning the titles. The haircut and beard trimming make these guys look like a serious team who deserves the belts. They always had the skill and it’s nice to see them get a reward like this. Nice match.

Spike has beaten a lot of big guys and can do the same thing to Rhino tonight. Rhino broke Spike’s leg and put him out for nine months so tonight, Spike is taking the TV Title.

C.W. Anderson vs. Tommy Dreamer

This is a grudge match as Anderson wanted to make a name for himself off of Dreamer but Tommy will have none of that. C.W. attacked him on Hardcore TV and this is about Dreamer getting revenge. Anderson cuts off the hometown boy’s introduction and spits in Tommy’s face. They slug it out to start with Dreamer nailing a quick neckbreaker to take over. Dreamer puts on something resembling an abdominal stretch on the mat while wrapping his leg around Anderson’s head. It’s quickly off to a more conventional armbar with some slaps to the back of C.W.’s head.

A DDT on the arm sends Anderson out to the floor and Dreamer wraps the arm around the post. Back in and Anderson nails a Stunner on Dreamer’s banged up arm. It’s already table time but first C.W. crushes the arm against the post with a chair. Tommy is already busted open and the fight head into the crowd. Dreamer hits him in the head with a beer but gets suplexed down onto the concrete. They get back inside with Anderson snapping the arm over the top rope to put Dreamer right back down.

Off to an armbar with a headscissors but quickly lets it go for a reverse DDT on the arm for two. The chair is wedged between the ropes in the corner but Dreamer sends Anderson into it to get himself a breather. Dreamer crotches Anderson on the chair before dragging C.W.’s eyes across the ropes with a towel around his neck, ala the ring boy who wipes down the ropes between matches. Said ring boy is brought into the ring but Dreamer lifts him into the air for a kick to Anderson’s face.

Dreamer grabs a tornado DDT for two and Lou E. Dangerouly shoves the ring boy down. Dreamer makes the save but gets nailed in the back of the head with the phone. This brings out Paul Heyman to knock Dangerously out cold with a phone of his own, setting up Dreamer’s Death Valley Driver for a VERY close two. The DDT is countered into a modified t-bone suplex for two by Anderson. Dreamer avoids a charge in the corner and ties C.W. in the Tree of Woe for the running dropkick into the chair.

A piledriver puts Anderson down again but Tommy gets a table instead of covering. He lays it on the mat and puts Anderson on top of the table, only to have C.W. get up and hit him in the head with a chair. A superplex onto the table gets two on Tommy but he comes back with a Tommyhawk for two. The table is set up backwards in the corner with the legs sticking out, allowing Anderson to hit a spinebuster, driving Dreamer’s back into the metal and wood for the pin.

Rating: D+. This was Anderson getting a big rub from Dreamer and the match was good enough while it lasted. The arm work wound up going nowhere but at least the back stuff was paid off in the end. Heyman and Dangerously interfering came out of nowhere and wasn’t necessary, but the live fans seemed to like it. Anderson getting a big win should help him. This was WAY too long though at over fifteen minutes.

Sinister Minister, with a taped up hand as his only visable injuries from the FBI getting to him earlier, says he’s fine and says he likes getting crazy while reuniting with the Unholy Alliance. So they were apart for all of an hour.

TV Title: Rhino vs. Spike Dudley

Rhino is defending and Spike is out for revenge for Rhino breaking Spike’s leg. The fight is on fast but Rhino breaks up an Acid Drop thirty seconds in. Spike Gores Rhino and goes after the big man’s leg but they quickly head to the floor. Rhino sends him into the barricade a few times but Spike gets a boot up to stop a charge. The challenger throws a chair in but Rhino pulls him off the apron to send him face first into a table. A chair to the head busts Spike open and they head back inside where the beating continues.

Rhino sends him face first into an open chair but stops to jaw with the fans, allowing Spike to throw a chair at the champion’s face. Another chair shot to Rhino’s head puts both guys on the floor and they head into the crowd. Spike quickly climbs a balcony and hits a dive to take Rhino down. A chair to the back of Rhino’s head has him in big trouble and they head back inside.

Rhino avoids a charge to send Spike face first into a buckle before countering the Acid Drop by sending Spike over the top and out through a table. Back in and Rhino nails the Gore but Spike bails to the floor. He’s quickly up though and nails Rhino in the knee with a chair. Spike tapes the leg to the ropes but Rhino breaks free and chokes Spike out for the win.

Rating: C-. They did what they could here but Spike’s quests for revenge rarely go very well. The size difference is too much to overcome and it would be too much to have Spike actually beat Rhino. He was able to do damage though and that’s about as far as they could go. Not a great match or anything but it could only be so good.

Spike is out so Rhino hits him in the head with a chair twice in a row. Spike seems to vomit while unconscious.

Francine offers to sleep with Corino before the match but Corino declines. Jack Victory holds the belt sometimes so he gets Francine instead. It’s a ploy to allow Justin Credible to attack Corino. Victory is in the bathroom with Francine and can be heard screaming in pain, talking about sharp teeth.

Unholy Alliance vs. Super Crazy/???

Crazy is bringing in a mystery partner after Mikey lured him into a beatdown recently. The Alliance beats Crazy down before Crazy’s partner comes out. Kid Kash shows up about thirty seconds later and we’re ready to go. Kash rolls up Mikey for two to start before taking him over with a hurricanrana. They stop to look at each other before slowly tagging in their partners. Tajiri hits a dropkick but Crazy nips up, only to hit a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker with Tajiri nipping up.

The fans are entirely behind Tajiri here as they fight over a test of strength and trade monkey flips. It’s Tajiri taking over with a hurricanrana before they trade armdrags for another standoff. Tajiri kicks at the legs and puts on a Sharpshooter with Crazy’s throat across the ropes so Mikey can drop a leg across the back of Crazy’s head. They do the chair crush around Crazy’s head for the dropkicks.

Kash finally tries to help and is tied in a Tree of Woe. Crazy is tied up as well but both members of the Alliance crotch themselves on baseball slide attempts. Kash and Crazy hit huge dives to the floor before Kash hits something like a Whisper in the Wind to put both Alliance members down. Tajiri and Crazy brawl on the floor until Tajiri comes back inside for a double rolling flip to put Kash down. The Alliance hit stereo kicks to Kash’s face before putting two chairs in the middle of the ring. Thankfully Kash is able to fight out of a slam through the chairs but he can’t avoid a Whippersnapper through the chairs and Kid is in trouble.

Another Whippersnapper puts Kash through the table and Crazy hits the triple moonsaults on Tajiri for no cover. Tajiri and Crazy head to the floor but Tajiri pops back up onto the ropes, only to be slammed face first onto the mat. A chair to the head gets Tajiri out of a sunset flip and he puts Crazy in the Tarantula. Kash finally comes back in but gets kicked to the floor as Mikey loads up another table.

Tajiri takes his sweet time setting it up in the ring so Mikey sets up his own on the floor. Kash gets up and hurricanranas Whipwreck through the table in a huge crash. Back in and Tajiri kicks Crazy down before covering him with a pile of chairs and a table. Tajiri climbs the ropes and a top rope double stomp through the table onto the chairs onto Crazy is enough for the pin.

Rating: B-. Good stuff here but again it doesn’t really mean much of anything. The Alliance winning a match is a good thing, but this needed to be about five minutes shorter. Kash disappeared for WAY too long during the match and it basically made this Tajiri vs. Crazy. That’s not a bad thing but it’s something we’ve seen several times before.

Da Baldies get off the subway and say this is their city. That’s it.

Blue Boy picks up a hooker, who is really Jasmin St. Claire. These bits never actually go anywhere.

ECW World Title: Jerry Lynn vs. Steve Corino vs. Justin Credible

Corino is defending and is in long tights. Fast start with all three guys running all over the place and Lynn getting the early advantage. The fans aren’t all that interested and only want Sandman. Double teaming finally puts Lynn down and the other two go at each other. Corino throws Justin over the top and out to the floor as Cyrus continues to cheer for Lynn. Jerry backdrops Credible into the barricade and Justin seems to have hurt his knee.

All three head into the crowd and slug it out near the barricade until Corino steps to the side and lets the others fight. They head back to ringside with Jerry whipping Steve over the barricade and back into the crowd. Justin’s knee seems to be fine as he sends Lynn against the barricade and then back inside. Credible gets caught in a sunset flip out of the corner for two and a tombstone piledriver from Lynn gets the same.

The cradle piledriver onto the chair knocks Corino silly but Jerry avoids the low blow which nails Credible instead. There’s no effect for some reason and Justin accidentally punches Francine. That’s Incredible a second later eliminates Lynn. Cyrus freaks out and yells about another screwjob before walking out. The fans still want Sandman but instead get Corino vs. Credible for the second straight show.

Corino sends Credible to the floor but Justin superkicks Corino down. The guys head into the crowd but the camera is on Francine for about thirty seconds instead of watching the match. Corino and Credible are at the entrance where Steve brings out a ladder. Justin whips him into the ladder and they head back inside where the champion takes a low blow. A suplex from a bloody Justin sends Corino into the ladder for two.

They head back into the crowd for more mindless brawling and the camera loses them yet again. This time we get to see the cameraman wandering around ringside trying to find the wrestlers in the crowd. Credible stumbles up a balcony but nails Corino in the head with a Singapore cane. Corino gets knocked off the balcony but you can barely see a thing. Back to the camera shot from ringside until Corino throws Justin over the barricade again. Both guys are bleeding now as they chop it out in the corner. That’s Incredible gets two but Corino comes right back with the Old School Expulsion to retain the title.

Rating: D+. Well I liked what I could see of it but when we lose close to a minute of the match at a time, it’s hard to stay invested in a match. Corino, Credible and Lynn have been feuding for what feels like forever now and while it’s still good, Rhino (and potentially Rob Van Dam) are still just kind of floating around aimlessly. That’s happened way too many times in ECW and it’s the same thing we’ve seen half a dozen times now.

The Sandman comes out and destroys Corino with the Singapore cane before stealing the title itself.

Cyrus and Jerry Lynn form a partnership in the back to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. There was some watchable stuff in here, but Corino vs. Lynn vs. Credible has run its course. They need someone new in the main event scene to keep things interesting, but without anything other than syndicated TV, there’s hardly any way to build up a new main event guy. In theory it should be Rhino, but now it looks like we’re getting Sandman vs. Corino, which we already saw last month.

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