REVIEW: March To WrestleMania IX: They’re Marching The Wrong Way

Welcome to KB’s Old School (and New School) Reviews. I’ve been reviewing wrestling shows for over twelve years now and have reviewed over 6,000 shows. Every Monday, Wednesday and Friday, I’ll be posting a new review here on Wrestlingrumors.net. It could be anything from modern WWE to old school to indies to anything in between. Note that I rate using letters instead of stars and I don’t rate matches under three minutes as really, how good or bad can something that short be?

March To Wrestlemania IX
Date: March 28, 1993
Location: Cumberland County Memorial Auditorium, Fayetteville, North Carolina
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Bobby Heenan

I don’t know how but the last three of these that I’ve picked at random have all been full shows. This time around it’s….well I think the name speaks for itself in this case. We’re about a week away from Wrestlemania IX and we get to see some glorified warmup matches. Let’s get to it.

We start with the contract signing between Yokozuna and Bret Hart from Wrestling Challenge, with Yokozuna attacking him and hitting the Banzai Drop. Bobby Heenan brings up a great point: if Bret is injured, there’s no match. Bret tries to get up and manages to stay up after Yokozuna leaves.

Vince and Bobby talk about the attack and run down the card. It sounds like something off of Super Wrestlemania.

Yokozuna vs. Randy Savage

Yokozuna (with Mr. Fuji) is #1 contender and Savage is doing commentary at Wrestlemania so you should know what’s coming here. After a minute spent on disrobing and salt throwing, we spend another thirty seconds on Yokozuna’s sumo stance. Throw in Savage yelling at Fuji and there is no contact in the first two minutes. They FINALLY lock up so Yokozuna can shove him down, meaning we hit the USA chants. It’s already time to go outside with Yokozuna sending him into the post and then the steps.

Back in and Yokozuna slugs away but Savage snaps off the jabs….to no avail as a shot to the throat cuts him off in a hurry. The choking ensues in the corner but Savage avoids the charge. There’s the ax handle to the back but Fuji hits Savage with the Japanese flag. Heenan had something fuzzy on his monitor, though it clears up in time to see Yokozuna hit a belly to belly for the pin at 6:37.

Rating: D+. What were you expecting for this one? Almost all someone of Savage’s size can do here is stick and move a bit and sell quite a bit. That’s what we got here and the match wasn’t the worst, but it was about as good as it could have been. It’s kind of amazing that Bret Hart got such a good match out of Yokozuna at Wrestlemania. Yokozuna is far from bad, but you can only do so much with him.

Post match Yokozuna loads up the Banzai Drop but Savage gets away and knocks him outside.

We look back at the Narcissist Lex Luger debuting at the Royal Rumble (with Bobby Heenan being WAY too excited about him) and his ensuing series of knockouts. He’ll meet Mr. Perfect at Wrestlemania.

Mr. Perfect vs. Skinner

Skinner jumps him to start and they head outside with Perfect going face first into the steps. Perfect posts him to even things up so Skinner takes off his belt for a shot to the throat. Some whippings don’t draw a DQ for some reason as Vince accuses Heenan of paying Skinner off to hurt Perfect. Or he’s just a villain? Skinner misses a charge into the corner though and Perfect rains down right hands. The running knee lift connects but Skinner gets in a shot with the alligator’s claw. Not that it matters though as the PerfectPlex finishes Skinner at 5:26.

Rating: C-. It was a little bit better than the opener but that’s not saying much. There’s something so strange, if not outright wrong, about seeing Mr. Perfect as a face. It just doesn’t fit, even though he is more than capable of pulling it off. If nothing else, it shows you just how good he is as a heel because it’s hard to make the face run work. Not that it failed of course, but it doesn’t quite fit.

Hulk Hogan video.

Reverend Slick talks about how his new convert is fighting off evil in the form of Kim Chee. Can he get a witness? Apparently not, but he can get a match.

Kamala vs. Kim Chee

Chee hammers away to start with Heenan comparing Kamala to a weak dog. The bearhug cuts Chee off and the splash to the back connects. Once Kamala figures out that he needs to turn Chee over, plus get the shoulder down, Chee is done at 2:11. That’s how it should have gone, though Kamala’s Wrestlemania match with Bam Bam Bigelow was cut due to time.

Post match Kamala hits Chee with his pith helmet and they steal it. Some preacher.

Wrestlemania video, complete with PUMP IT UP. Dang I’ve missed that thing.

We look at Money Inc. attacking Brutus Beefcake with their metal briefcase, turning Jimmy Hart face (egads) and bringing Hulk Hogan to Raw for the first time. The title match is set for Wrestlemania.

Money Inc. vs. Reno Riggins/Jerry Sabin

Non-title. Sabin gets sent into the corner to start and then taken outside so the beating can be on. Back in and a double elbow to the jaw takes Sabin down again so it’s off to Riggins to get stomped down as well. The Million Dollar Dream finishes Riggins at 2:58 in a total squash.

Here are the Mega Maniacs (Hogan and Beefcake with Jimmy Hart) for a chat on the platform. Hogan talks about seeing Beefcake get jumped so he stole Beefcake’s motorcycle and crashing onto the sands of Venice Beach. That made him hear the Hulkamaniacs praying so he sniffed hair tonic (I’m sure) and rode all the way to New York.

Then there was something about the Three Stooges so Beefcake talks about going to Cape Kennedy so Hogan could drop rockets on Beefcake’s mask. The Pythons were about to blow Beefcake to the moon! Hart promises Mega Maniacs posters and Nintendo games, plus the Tag Team Titles. Beefcake has been at K-Mart getting his hair tonic together (Hogan nearly cracked up at that) but he decided to just pull Money Inc.’s hair out instead.

Hogan has been pulling sharks out of the ocean and he’s filled the pools at Caesar’s Palace with salt water. Now they have nasty sea urchins and some bad mermaids in them so he can put the sharks in there too. Beefcake is going to work on them so he can throw all the bathing beauties into the pool with the sharks, but Hogan wants to make sure that they all have perfect tans for Wrestlemania.

That was the most coked up insane interview I’ve heard this side of Randy Savage and I was trying to figure out what the heck Hogan and Beefcake were talking about more than once. Or they were trying to make each other laugh for ten minutes by being as insane as possible. More than likely the cocaine though.

We look at Tatanka beating Shawn Michaels twice in a row, setting up the Intercontinental Title match at Wrestlemania.

Tatanka vs. George South

Tatanka goes with the armdrags to start so South takes him into the corner for some right hands. That just earns him some chops to the chest and head but South pokes him in the eye. Tatanka goes on the war path though and it’s more chops into the Papoose To Go for the pin on South at 3:13.

Rating: D+. Standard Raw match from this period and that’s all it needed to be. Beating the champ twice in a row (once in a six man tag so it could have been worse) is a fine way to set up a title match at Wrestlemania and they had done a good job of making Tatanka into a threat over the years. Then again ti’s Shawn in 1993 so Tatanka is going to be in over his head.

Post match Shawn comes out to say Tatanka can’t win the title so Tatanka is ready to fight right now. Shawn teases it but bails, as expected.

Here’s Gene Okerlund for the Wrestlemania Report. Bret Hart is ready to retain the WWF Title, Crush is fishing to get ready to destroy Doink and the Steiners tell the Headshrinkers to say their prayers. I miss these old school short form promos. Just a quick line or two but they give you an idea of what to expect.

Beverly Brothers/Little Louie vs. Bushwhackers/Tiger Jackson

Jackson would go on to become Dink. Heenan is right there with the short jokes, as you knew he would (and should) be. Again, there’s no contact for the first minute and a half until Beau chokes Luke on the rope. Everything breaks down for some three way biting, followed by the required chase scene. After some group whacking, it’s off to Jackson for two on Louie.

That means Jackson gets to dance a bit, only to miss an elbow. Blake and Butch come in with the latter not buying a handshake offer. A cheap shot doesn’t work for Blake either and there’s a bulldog to take him down. Everything breaks down again as Heenan denies riding an ostrich to Wrestlemania.

Beau gets in a top rope ax handle shot to Luke to take over for the first time. Beau’s top rope ax handle gets two and Louie adds a slap. Luke gets in a running clothesline though and the hot tag brings in Butch to clean house. Everything breaks down and Jackson is sat on top for a high crossbody to finish Louie at 9:56.

Rating: D-. Who in the world decided to give this match ten minutes? I mean, other than Vince of course. It was your standard match with the minis in there and that’s not a good thing. These things aren’t any good most of the time and this was the longer form version, making it even worse. It’s harmless fun for kids, but that doesn’t make it easier to watch.

We look at Giant Gonzalez debuting and attacking Undertaker, setting up Wrestlemania.

Undertaker vs. Bam Bam Bigelow

Paul Bearer is with Undertaker of course. We get the big staredown and it’s Undertaker slugging away, only to get taken down by a drop toehold (!) so Undertaker can rip at his face. Back up and Undertaker hits his running DDT as Heenan thinks Gonzalez is twenty feet tall. Old School connects but some running clotheslines won’t put Bigelow down. Instead Bigelow sends him outside and we take a break.

Back with Bigelow in control on the floor, including a ram into the steps. They head inside again for a belly to back suplex but Undertaker pops back up. Then he does it again, just for some good measure. Bigelow’s falling headbutt makes Undertaker sit right back up so they do it again, just in case you reached over for some sarsaparilla. The top rope headbutt misses and Undertaker hits the chokeslam so Bigelow walks out for the countout at 7:36.

Rating: D+. This could have been something but there is only so much that they can do with that lame of an ending. The two of them have the talent to do something entertaining and they are more than capable of a solid match, but what can you do in this situation? There wasn’t much of a better option since they both had Wrestlemania matches though, which is the problem with something like this.

Post match Giant Gonzalez comes out for the staredown. Undertaker has to be held back from the fight.

We get a Bret Hart video, set to Respect by Aretha Franklin. Not on the Network of course.

Vince promises Heenan in a weasel toga, meaning Bobby has to prove he has no tail to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. As usual with something like this, you have to consider what they were shooting for. This wasn’t about the wrestling itself whatsoever, which is a good thing as it was horrible. Instead, this was all about hyping Wrestlemania and they did a decent enough job of doing so. Almost every match got at least a bit of time (some more so than others) and it did what it was supposed to do. Not a good show, but it’s nice if you want the complete Wrestlemania IX experience (and who doesn’t want that).

Thomas Hall has been a wrestling fan for over thirty years and has seen over 60,000 wrestling matches. He has also been a wrestling reviewer since 2009 with over 6,000 full shows covered. You can find his work at kbwrestlingreviews.com, or check out his- Amazon author page with 30 wrestling books

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